


Revenue and Customs

by Gold_Sparrow



Series: Low Expectations [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU cannon maes more sense, Canon-Typical Violence, Padme & Anakins relationship is less creapy, Reasonably light heartrd, Techinicaly betad but we're both dyslexic, Very Dumb, former jedi, lies and violence, the jedi are kinda cult like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gold_Sparrow/pseuds/Gold_Sparrow
Summary: Star wars but we added original characters for a laugh and to fuck with the plot.Having had their ship commandeered to help the queen escape the crew of the Ebon Falcon has ended up on tattooien with the ship bet off by a c̶u̶l̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ Jedi in a pod race they need to ensure they can get off this planet and hopefully survive the bullshit they're thrown into.(Rated Teen for swearing and mild violence.)
Series: Low Expectations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940371





	Revenue and Customs

**Author's Note:**

> Cannon Changes: Padme isn’t the queen, just a handmaiden. Jedi Master Sifo dyisa is alive but paranoid and started the creation of the clone army after a vision of the Jedi being slaughtered.
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome.

My ship, the Ebon Hawk, had stopped on Naboo for repairs, refueling and to pick up some cargo. Having taken possession of a few droids, a couple of ship necessities from the market and some droid shaped objects, I’d been very annoyed to discover that the whole planet had been blockaded by the trade federation for bullshit political reasons. So there we were, stuck on some mid rim backwater planet, with the landing fee for our ship pushing us further and further into the red, then when things finally kicked off and in a way that I did not like at all.  
So I start working on a couple of the droids we picked up from, including an oddly clean one with a badly wiped memory drive. Well properly wiped now, but still what do you expect from the black market? It didn’t take too long mainly just some system resets. When I’d finished storing and system wiping the few black markets and stolen droids. I finally decided to deal with the pain in my ass, and promtly lured HK47 to the storage. With my patented plot of a trail of empty teacups heading into the storage bay. With that done I headed off for a break before starting back on the ever constant engine fix. Much like washing up this scrap heap needed constant maintenance.  
After a short nap I headed back to my domain, I intended to stay down in the engine room replacing some of the more damaged parts for a while. And somehow my tools were alway just within reach, probably some force bullshit to be honest.  
By the time I had just managed to make a note of all the parts we’d need replacing soon, some sooner than others, Raan, the ship's medic, came up to me with annoyance and a tinge of worry radiating off him in waves.  
“Are we good to fly soon?” He asked, almost concerned.  
“I mean we can fly, I wouldn't advise it. But why?” I answered. “Has the blockade lifted?”  
Raan looked mildly upset “Our ship’s been commandeered…” He said.  
“Just set HK on them.” Why was this an issue our murder droid couldn’t solve?  
“... By the queen.” That explained a lot. Fuck.  
“When I come up it'll be cleared for taking out.” I sighed.  
Raan left probably to cover some ground rules, hopefully they listened. I quickly pushed everything back into place before turning things back on readying the ship for taking off. I paused by the cabin giving Gatch a head up before readying myself to deal with this shit. As I reentered the main area of the ship I decided against clearing myself up, they commandeered a heap of junk and they would deal with a bit of grease. Eh at least HK was trapped with the droids, no yelling from them I naively thought putting my tools away.  
“Prox. May I request you clean up.” HK’s voice sounded out, please be a hallucination, please. I turned around and found myself face to face with HK.  
“FUCK SAKE!” I screamed before storming towards the main area forgetting about the royalty with HKs constant requests to clean up or to offer me tea.  
“Hey, Aya, the ship's good to take off,” I said before leaving to the main area, slamming the door open I yelled. “Which bitch faced motherfuck let HK out of the fucking hold.” The room was filled by an awkward silence broken only by HK asking once again about tea, which I didn’t fucking want. It was at this point I realised two things: one I’d forgotten why we were flying now and two Rann was serious, that was the queen, or at least someone serious enough with this scam.  
I wasn’t sure if I'd rather be executed or not at this point. I lent against the wall and tried not to look as embarrassed as I felt.  
An awkward and probably guilty silence descended over the group and I decided to shut up and ignore everyone for as long as possible.  
We remained in an awkward silence strapped into the seats as the sound of the emey ships firing at and missing us, Aya was at the least a great pilot.

It had been what felt like forever but was most likely barely an hour when I heard a screeching noise we’d been hit and I knew in my soul I needed to fix something, and soon.  
“Shit.” I said louder than intended, everyone's eyes on me once again.  
“What’s the matter?” One of the queen’s escorts asked.  
“I’m gonna need to do some repairs.” I said.  
“This ship is safe right?” Someone I couldn’t be bothered to work out who asked.  
I desperately tried to think of something to say besides I don’t know how this ship is still flying and I’m it fucking mechanic. Feeling there was nothing productive I could say to a reigning monarch who most likely didn’t understand I had grease on me and this wasn't a fashion statement I simply grabbed a cup of tea from HK downed and after a few seconds of panic silence I decided to leave before making the situation any worse.

“Aya. We’re gonna have to land on the closest planet, the ship needs repairs.” I said leaning on the door to the cockpit.  
“I’d hoped the hit wasn’t too bad, you reckon we’ve got the needed parts?” She asked, bringing a couple of different options up on the display.  
“Most likely not is my guess. But they shouldn’t be hard to find if I’m correct.” I said.  
“Good to know, we’ll be landing on Tatooine in 3 minutes,” Aya said, selecting Tatooine on her display and changing course slightly, all the while dodging the remainder of the blockade.  
“Thanks. I’ll let them know.” I said leaving with a nod.  
I just popped my head into the main room and stated. “We’re landing on Tatooine in 3 minutes if anyone is required to leave with me, be ready by 5 then. We’ll suck briefly until I’ve got the parts, Rann your joining.” before leaving the room and getting all my bits and pieces together.  
By the time we landed, I’d got everything ready and double-checked, I needed the parts I thought we did, they’d been on the fritz for a while now so this wasn’t unexpected.  
“HK better be back in the hold by the time I’m back,” I yelled before checking the map for the directions to the nearest town. Hoverbikes truly are a gift of the gods. I thought before looking up at three figures approaching, an older Jedi, a fish-man and a handmaiden, or at least I hoped she wasn’t a consort. Joined me and Raan on the hover bikes.  
“The 3 of you are joining me then,” I asked rhetorically.  
“Yes.” The handmaiden said, “I’m Padme, this is Qui-gon the Jedi…”  
“And mesa Jar Jar Binks!” The fish loudly interrupted.  
“Right then Grab a hoverbike and stay close to me at all times,” I said, mounting and waiting a few seconds too little before starting. The trio close behind.


End file.
